Hero of the Day: Max Valiquette

7 Mar

Dear Max Valiquette;

My hero.

Imagine the following statement as being slightly less serious than it sounds, with a touch of adoration and a sprinkle of exaggeration, whilst not going too overboard on either:

Marry me.

Yes, I’m aware that you don’t know me. And if you ever actually find this page (note my use of the first conditional here), I’ll probably melt into a puddle of wicked embarrassment. To be honest, I don’t even know if you’re already married or not. Maybe you have kids. I don’t actually know much about you as a person at all. Maybe you’re an alcoholic. Maybe you like men. Maybe you’re an alien-lizard. I wouldn’t know and, currently, I don’t really care. I’m prepared to spawn your alien-lizard hybrids if they will embody your awesomeness.

Here’s what I do know about you:

You have an amazingly clean, accessible, honest, and funny website.

Here was your last Twitter post, which was very possibly the thing that prompted this whole post:

“Sorry for swearing but fuck me gently with a chainsaw DAVID CHANG IS OPENING TWO RESTAURANTS IN TORONTO!!!”

Here is you being awesome on Speakers’ Spotlight:

In closing, you are my Hero of the Day. If you feel like marrying me, I’m all in. I do warn you, my heroes change often, so I suggest jumping on this offer whilst it’s on the table. I live in China, but I’m sure we can work around that.

Our hybrids will be beautiful.

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